Our little girl is 5 years old!
Now all she wants is to turn 10 so she can be older than her big sis!
I once again found myself feeling a bit overwhelmed with emotions on the eve of Lulu's birthday. Being the mother of a biological and an adopted child I experience two very different set of emotions prior to a birthday.
For Elle, I fondly remember all of the events leading up to her birth. All the belly rubs, her kicking and elbowing me to let me know she was ready, the feelings of excitement coupled with nervous energy, my water breaking, rushing to the hospital with the bag that had been packed for weeks, the birthing room, the oils, the baths and the contractions.....oh the bloody contractions, the emergency c-section (and the "wait, I did not read that chapter in my 'what to expect' book!")... The list goes on but mostly I remember holding my sweet baby for the very first time. Looking down at her, smelling her and crying tears of delight in the miracle of birth. I am thankful for having those memories leading up to her first moments on earth and I often feel sad that I do not have those cherished moments connected with Lulu's birth. I know absolutely nothing about it.
In the days leading up to Lulu's birthday, I find that I give thanks for the miracle of birth as well but it is so different. I am so disconnected from lulu's birth so it is hard to explain my emotions. I find that I think about her birth mother over and over again and wonder what she is thinking around this day. Lulu's actual birth date is not known. Her birth date was given to her by the Director at her SWI. Maybe it's a few weeks earlier or a few later. Maybe even more as Lexi was about 8 months old when she was found.
To be honest, I get upset with myself that I even think like that. Let it go. August 25 is her birthday. That is the day we celebrate wonderful her. It is one of the many days through out the year that I stop and reflect on how blessed we are to have Lulu in our life. I have a lot of work to do in this area so I can be best prepared to help Lulu through what might be an emotional roller coaster for the years to come when she thinks about the meaning of her birthday.
My wish for Lulu on her birthday is one filled of peace. Peace for her to live a life full of joy, acceptance and completeness. As well as peace for her birth mother and birth father. Our wish is that they would know just how much this beautiful girl is loved and how thankful we are to be able to call her our daughter.
|Bday hugs from big sis|
|Sharing cake with friends|
|I wonder what she wished for....|
|Patsy the Clown makes an appearance at another family birthday!!|
|Thrilled with "new" bike|
|Birthday dinner request....sushi...and lots of it!|
We love you like crazy cakes Lulu!!
xo Mommy, Papi & Elle